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Narkers Knickers
didu borrow Mrs Narker's size 26 gold knickers, Mrs Stater? aberdeen gold knickers in aberdeen gold knickers Did you borrow Mrs Narker's size 26 gold knickers for your big day, Mrs Stater?
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Fux Fiz
St Anonimous girl rides on top with Fux Fiz aberdeen fuks fiz in aberdeen fuks fiz Dear Parents, I am delighted to report that Poppy-Hyacinth Plumbottom came ahead of all the other girls at the Scottish Girls' School Annal Riding and Dressup (18+) Challenge at Morningside Glades. Poppy-Hyacinth was unstoppable, i am told by the Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater, who is herself to take advanced riding lessons over the summer hols. Extensive riding practice makes for outstanding riding accomplishment, as we, at St Anonimous School for Girls, all know. Poppy-Hyacinth was also chosen for the Topless/Thonged/Booted Sexually-Luscious Women (45 and under) Team 2009, achieving the distinction of being, at 18, the youngest participant in the group. Well done to Poppy-Hyacinth and her favourite pony (of seven) FUX FIZ! Well done to the Senior Mistress, Mrs Jan Stater, for being so willing to share her passion for riding with your daughters! Thank you. A Kilimanjaro B.A. (Hons) (First Class) (Cantab) Headmistress
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La Famille Blessee
A novel set in summer festivalled Auld Reekie by Miss Suilven Stater aberdeen novelists in aberdeen novelists Miss Suilven Stater, contemporary Aberdeen's foremost new author reads from her first published novel LA FAMILLE BLESSEE At The Reading Rooms, Grassmarket Edinburgh Thursday 30th July, 2009 Tickets £15.00 from info@ st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk or k.shits@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk
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5* SEX
diduav FIVE STAR SEX in the 5 star hotel last night, Mrs Stater? aberdeen 5 star hotels in aberdeen 5 star hotels Mrs Stater!!! Mrs Essie...yooooohoooooooo!!! I said we were BOUND to bump into each other, even in the metropolis. Did you get to see the David Hume monument? I know you very much wanted to, Mrs Stater!! Can we ask....lovelsymomateach...did you have FIVE STAR SEX in the five star hotel, last night, Mrs Stater? glowboy aberdeen
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Cuming Last
St Anonimous School for Girls cums last a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen stragglers in aberdeen stragglers Dear Parents,
I am delighted to report that, in what has become something of an annal tradition here at St Anonimous, the school Young Enterprisers team, under the guidance of the Senior Mistress, Mrs Jan Stater, came last at the national event held in Edinburgh, being, once more, soundly thrashed by a rival Aberdeen private school who came, deservedly, first. On a more positive note, I am more than delighted to announce that, at the same prestigious, glittering awards event, the Senior Mistress, Mrs Jan Stater was named Female Teacher of the Year AND Teacher of the Year, outperforming, indeed walking all over, ALL her male rivals. The runner up, Mr Ernest Smith, of Gorgie Community Lifelong Education Academy and Family Centre/Creche/Neighbourhood Police Office said: 'When I was standing next to Mrs Jan Stater and the photographers' lighting was pointing up the way and she was lit from beneath, highlighting her lower face and ear-to-ear grin, I could see that I had been beaten by a far better man. I couldn't help BUT see, actually. I have passed on the St Anonimous family's congratulations to the Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater and Mr Perfectprick. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro B.A. (Hons) (First Class) (Cantab) Headmistress
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Jordan
ur ex is no Peter Andre Mrs Stater Peter Andre in Aberdeen in Peter Andre Aberdeen Did you read in the Daily Sport about Peter Andre holding back the tears when he was shown the piccies of Jordan in the arms of her nightclub hunk, Mrs Stater? awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.......... I've heard that your ex is no Peter Andre, Mrs Stater. I don't think it was tears your ex was holding back when he was shown the video of the mother of his children, at 50, SUCKING the black-moustacheod joiner's suspiciously-jet-black-pubed COCK before taking up 'submissive', knees raised, legs spread, using your left hand thumb and first finger to pull your gleaming vaginal entrance open; simultaneously using your right hand to grab the purple-headed dick, giving it some guidance to where you wanted it to go, before being penetrated and POKED on the bed, in front of the white louvered fitted-wardrobe doors, behind the improperly-closed old green velour curtains and see-through dirty netting, Mrs Stater! Jeez, Mrs Stater! Do you get ANY sleep at night...hehehe... Does the Grecian2Kd joiner boy, Mrs Stater? Does Mrs Chargehand, Mrs Stater? Does Ms Gravey, Mrs Stater? Does Mrs Bingham, Mrs Stater? glowboy aberdeen
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Executive Stretch
Mr Perfectprick distinguishes St Anonimous School for Girls a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen big ones in aberdeen big ones Dear Parents, I am delighted to announce that Mr Perfectprick has brought distinction to us here at St Anonimous school for Girls by coming first in The Biggest Willie competition at the recent Executive Stretch training and personal development course which he successfully completed, Magna Cum Laude. Mr Perfectprick won both the Flaccid and Full Erection sections, putting all other competitors to 4" and 11", respectively, shame. The Senior Mistress,Mrs Stater has told me that she feels herself basking in reflected glory, sometimes pinching it herself to confirm that it is for real! Mr Perfectprick also triumphed in the Hand-to-Hand Mortal Combat (Blades) event and in the Long Range (scoped) Full Bore Multiple Moving Target Headshot Rapid Sniper Fire event. The Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater, said that this only confirmed how necessarily-seriously Mr Perfectprick took all his encounters with other rival men. I have increased Mr Perfectprick's salary by 69%, with immediate effect. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro B.A. (Hons) (First Class) (Oxon) Headmistress
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Sgt Eroticus
Mr Joss Ditto in Aberdeen City Court a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen aberdeen erotic men in aberdeen erotic men Dear Parents, I write to advise you that Mr Joss Ditto is, once again, facing sexual misdemeanour charges at Aberdeen City Court. Mr Ditto has been charged with impersonating a policeman by wearing a police uniform and holding his 9" baton in his hand. Mr Ditto is further accused of false imprisonment in that he did stop and detain, unlawfully, a female motorist driving to The Broch, on the dual carriageway, up a bit from Backdog. It is alleged that Mr Ditto was flashing at the female motorist. Mr Ditto, by way of explanation, is claiming that he was carrying his flashing kit for his own protection, being the subjects of threats to his safety (often while removing his clothing in the male toilets of various North of Scotland licensed premises). Mr Ditto has also claimed that he is a target for police harassment ,having been stopped and searched repeatedly since he talked himself out of the trouble arising from chucking buckets of cold water over very cold 6th Form St Anonimous girls, wearing nowt but a little t-shirt, a little bra, a pair of little shorts and a set of little knickers. (The girls were wearing even less) The Court, during that trial, was told, by Mr Ditto, parents will remember. Mr Ditto was further charged with Breach of the Peace, in that he wore, under his police uniform, a set of genuine leather lederhosen, for purposes unknown and placed the female policemen who stripped him and poked their fingers up his arse in a state of fear and alarm. Mr Ditto pointed out that ALL the male staff at St Anonimous are wearing lederhosen, for cultural and artistic reasons. Mr Ditto will be suspended instanter and disciplinary proceedings will be commenced by the Chair of Governors, Mrs Pru Sitherfird, LL.B, with typing services being provided by Mrs Shits. Mr Ditto has asked that the Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater, attends all disciplinary meetings with him as his trusted friend. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro B.A. (Hons) (First Class) (Oxon) Headmistress
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Japanese Girls
ur ex is showing 2 Japanese women The Hebrides, Mrs Stater! aberdeen japan in aberdeen japan Your ex is showing two Japanese women The Hebrides, Mrs Stater, before he goes to Bangkok with a Romanian friend...hehehe... He is planning to take the two of them up The Cuillin, Mrs Stater. What the fuck is your ex doing with a Romanian passport, Mrs Stater? glowboy aberdeen
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Celibacy Vow
forms for Bangkok due at St Anonimous NOW j.stater@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen celibates in aberdeen celibates Dear Parents, I write to demand that the outstanding CHASTITY VOW letters, which the girls of St Anonimous seem somewhat reluctant to return, are handed in to me BEFORE we travel to Bangkok on the oral tour choral tour. I would remind you that Mr Perfectprick REQUIRES your daughters to have vouchsured that they will NOT get up to any hanky panky while under him. Mr Perfectprick is doing nothing more than he has done at all his previous girls-only schools, on his foreign jaunts with the (mainly) thin and nubile daughters of the wealthy families who can afford the fees and costs associated with selective educational privilege. Only at Archie House School for Girls has there proved similar reluctance on the part of the girl pupils to commit to even temporary chastity, Mr Perfectprick tells me. To avoid any awkwardness, I ask that you force your daughter to put her cross as necessary on the earlier-supplied Temporary Chastity Vow. Thank you. J. Stater (Mrs) Cert Teaching (Basic) (Ordinary, Part One) Senior Mistress/ Head of Chastity
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Porn Star
St Anonimous School for Girls bus driver is PORNSTAR aberdeen porn stars in aberdeen porn stars Dear Parents, I write to confirm that what you have been reading today in the Aberdeen Pressed Bugle is true. One of the bus drivers employed by St Anonimous Schoool for Girls has admitted to moonlighting as a male porn star/male stripper when not gainfully employed in charge of your daughters while boarding, travelling and alighting from his coach. He has confessed that he is contracted to www.filthylooker.com for male porn work and that he also turns out at the Waterstone Hotel as a raunchy male stripper. He has claimed that some of his most ardent fans are members of the St Anonimous 6th form, former St Anonimous pupils, in their first year in tertiary education in Aberdeen and various members of St Anonimous staff, both male and female. I have suspended the bus driver instanter and disciplinary proceedings will now be commenced by the Chair of Governors, Mrs Pru Sitherfird, LL.B, working with Mrs Shits, as hourly-paid employee representative. The Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater has been asked to compile a list of those St Anonimous teachers who are prepared, at this stage to admit to having been along to watch this man get his big cock and huge balls out. Mrs Stater has, graciously, put her own name at the top of the list, followed by Ms Gravey and Mrs Bingham. Should parents have further queries it may be advisable to telephone me, via Mrs Shits, since reports have been received that emailing St Anonimous has, recently, proved troublesome for many parents and prospective parents, due to an ongoing server difficulty. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro B.A. (Hons ) (First Class) (Oxon) Headmistress
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Shows Big Pink
a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk shows BIG pink showing aberdeen pink in showing aberdeen pink Colleagues, I find myself STILL in possession of an an advert obviously destined for the PERSONALS page of the Daily Sport. Mr Green has assured me that the advert is quite typical of what can be read by any Harry, Tom or Dick, eating pre-prepared sandwiches, out of a Tupperware box, in their lunchbreak, while sitting in a bothy with a few token male co-workers, avoiding being asked to do any work. I shall reveal FINALLY that the writer of this advert, found by Miss Bendy Bain, in the main staffroom, just after the departure of the Senior Mistress, Mrs Jan Stater, has 'HUGE PISS FLAPS' and an 'ENLARGED CLITORIS' all of which she is prepared to show to any male admirer, upon request, at any time of the day, or night. I trust that I have revealed sufficient detail for the owner of this lost property to recognise themselves and to remove it from my (reluctant) care by catching me in my office while alone and with the door open. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro (Mrs) B.A. (Hons) (First Class) Headmistress
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Stockinged Cellists
I have Mrs Pratt-Welmer for you, Mrs Kilimanjaro. aberdeen cellists in aberdeen cellists I have Mrs Pratt-Welmer for you, Mrs Kilimanjaro. Thank you, Mrs Shits. You can go back to cleaning the office cofffee cups now. Mrs Pratt-Welmer, how may I help you? Yes. No. Yes. Never! Miss Seonora Waitrose, Mrs Anni-Gael Melons, Miss Sharin Doggie and Miss Sylvette Mayles are doing virtually-naked cello performances for gentlemen's clubs in Aberdeen. They sit with the cello between their spread legs, wearing fishnet stockings and 5" heels, otherwise NAKED. They take a full-frontal bow with their bows dangling from their raised hands, cellos well to the side, being twirled. For West End dinner parties too? I shall contact the Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater and instanter, Mrs Pratt-Welmer. Thank you for your call. Yes, Mrs Shits will have your number. Goodbye glowboy aberdeen
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Nude Fest
coach leaves St Anonimous 19.15 ON THE KNOB j.stater@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen nude fest in aberdeen nude fest Colleagues, The St Anonimous Staff Social Club coach to NUDE FEST 2009 leaves for Cornwall from outside the school at 19.15 pm ON THE KNOB. I sent Mr Perfectprick shopping at Boots at lunchtime and he bought 690 boxes of Viagra so things should go with a swing!!!. Thank you . Jan Stater (Mrs) Senior Mistress/Head of Bonding
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Call Girl ofdayear
St anonimous parent Stacie Hotson NOMINATED a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen callgirls in aberdeen callgirls Dear Parents, I know that you will all wish to join me in passing on my hearty congratulations to one of the foremost (and most beautiful) St Anonimous parents, Stacie Hotson, who has reached the finals of the Aberdeen Callgirl of the Year Competition. As well as her work for the St Anonimous School fund, selling slightly-used girls' garments in Japan, Stacie Hotson has achieved distinction in her professional role as a high-class callgirl with Tryangles of Aberdeen. Stacie Hotson will compete with two other Aberdeen slappers at the black-tie event at Aberdeen Conferencing Centre on 24th September, 2009. The Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater, has kindly agreed to organise table bookings for the anticipated large number of friends of St Anonimous (especially the male members of our St Anonimous family) who are expected to want to attend. Mrs Stater can be had by emailing : j.stater@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro Headmistress
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Snoopy
St Anonimous staff should not use mobies p.sitherford@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen airwaves in aberdeen airwaves Memo To: All St Anonimous Employees (Clever and Not) Dear Employee, I write to you as Chairman of the Governors of St Anonimous School for Girls. Acting upon intelligence received by Mrs Kilimanjaro, it is my responsibility, under Health and Safety Law (Duty of Care To Employees Regulations - Section 69) to advise you NOT to use wireless communication equipment, including MOBILE TELEPHONES in or around St Anonimous School for Girls. My advice to you is to also avoid using wireless communication equipment in your homes or in your car, on your way to and from work at St Anonimous. This advice extends to those who walk to St Anonimous, even if they follow earlier guidance to vary their routes to St Anonimous and to avoid using the same route on a daily basis at all costs, particularly while wearing Ipod headphones. Wireless extension telephones fed by landlines have been withdrawn from use by Mr Green on all St Anonimous property, on my instructions, as authorised by an emergency sub-committee of The Governors. The school has learned that wireless voice and text messages being made by employees of St Anonimous School for Girls are subject to interception by unknown third parties (and may have been for the past three years, or longer). Thank you. Pru Sitherfird LL.B. Chairman of Governors
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Mog da Pussy
danew St Anonimous school mascot is Mog da Pussy a.kilimanjaro@st-anonimous.aberdeen.sch.uk aberdeen pussies in aberdeen pussies Memo To: All St Anonimous Staff (of all sexual persuasions) Colleagues, After emergency discussions with the Senior Mistress, Mrs Stater, and following a most serious parental complaint from the biggest payers on the St Anonimous revenue account, I have replaced the school mascot, with immediate effect. Henceforth the St Anonimous school mascot will be MOG the PUSSY St Anonimous staff must, immediately, remove all photographic evidence of the previous St Anonimous School for Girls' mascot, together with any documentary and online references to same. Thank you. A. Kilimanjaro (Mrs) B.A. (Hons) (First Class) (Cantab) Headmistress
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